On his way to work at the plumbing factory, Keith passed Dawn’s. This was his usual route. Not much happening at 7am and it was going to be another warm one.
Keith hated his job in this weather. He needed to wear protective gear but it kept in the heat. Handy in the winter, but a bummer in the summer. Who knows though, all that might be about to change…
As usual Dawn was just lifting up her sash window to greet the morning, hoping she’d see Keith.
Here he comes, sauntering along, whistling some nonsense tune known only to himself, she mused. He’s my little Piper at the Gates of Dawn he is.
“Have a good day! You coming ‘round for tea tonight Keith?”
“‘Course, if your Mum’ll have me…”
“Oh I don’t know, I’ll have to check. Let you know what she said… when you arrive!”
“Oh cheers!” he said sarcastically. “Maybe see you later then”
“So Keith… did you enjoy that?” said Dawn’s Mum as her daughter cleared away the plates..
“Up to your usual high standards Mrs Irwin! Couldn’t get a better meal this side of the Ritz”
“Mum? Did you say you were going to read our tea leaves?”
“Well only if Keith wants me to.”
Keith got up to help.
“Er.. well it can’t do any harm. Can it? It’s like A Saucerful of Secrets …
Spooky isn’t it? ” he says looking at Dawn for some affirmation.
“Didn’t do any harm last time, did it?”
“Well not really… apart from that £735 I lost at the bookies”
“What?” Says Dawn’s Mum.
“Oh I missed out on that Accy when Man U lost against Southampton.”
“Well what’s that got to do with my tea leaf reading?!”
“Well, I’m sure you told me United were going to thrash the Saints that day. It was in the tea leaves you said!”
He started chuckling and Mrs Irwin put it down to Keith’s weird sense of humour.
“Oh Mum! I’m sorry.” said Dawn looking at Keith taking the teapot to the table.
“What, love?
“Keith’s made the tea. And guess what? He’s used tea bags!”
“Oh, Keith! She banged the table with her palms, fairly gently though.
“You did that on purpose!”
After he had left Dawn’s, on his way home, Keith got a text from Davy More
“IF YOU FANCY A PINT TONIGHT GET IN TOUCH”
“WHAT TIME YOU GOING OUT? ON MY WAY HOME NOW” Keith replied.
“8PM AT THE WAGGONERS”
“SEE YOU THERE”
Instead of Dawn’s face as he walked past, Keith was presented with the gurning face of her Grandad. He was waving a finger in the air, just like ET.
Recognising Keith, or maybe he did it for everyone, her Gramps opened the sash to shout. Just as he opened his mouth, an enormously loud car boomed past. Gramps’ utterance was lost. Keith later told Dawn it sounded like Gramps had shouted “Ummagumma”
or maybe it was just something to do with his dentures.
“Oh Keith is that you?”
“No, I’ve stolen this phone” Keith wanted to say, but decided against it. He settled for …
“Yes Dawn. Is that you?”
“Oh Keith, Mum’s got a date!”
“Eh. What does Eddie say about that? I bet he’s mad as hell isn’t he?”
“No you fool! A date for her operation!” She dragged the word out like op-e-rat-ion.
“OHHHHH! That’s great news Dawn! Was it in the leaves?”
“No, they phoned up half an hour ago. Her ops next month. We can start planning now.”
“What for?”
“Well visiting, clothes she needs to take in with her, that sort of thing.”
“Don’t go too mad love, they might change the date you know. Happened to Davy More’s Dad. Made all sorts of plans and then said he had failed the pre-op. He had to wait another 6 months until his gall bladder was sorted by another op before they could actually operate on his heart”
“It’ll be a first for the hospital! She had a nuclear medicine scan… something to do with radioactive substances.”
“A regular Atom Heart Mother is what she’ll be” said Keith.
“Do you think we’ll all have to wear lead gilets in future?’ suggested Keith.
“Well if you want to be silly I’ve better things to do with my time Keith Andrews. Have a nice time with Davy tonight, while I’m worrying about Mum”
‘Sorry Dawn, I was just being a bit light-hearted to lift your spirits. Anyway who told you I was meeting Davy?”
“It was Abi told me. Saved you the job …”
Davy’s wife Abi More was always “dobbing” Keith in. She just loved to Meddle
in people’s affairs. Comes of having no life of her own, he thought.
Although the wind had been cooling at the top of Spinney Hill where Keith lived, on his walk down to town the sun was Obscured by Clouds.
All the heat seemed to have pooled in the valley. The Waggoner’s was the oldest pub there and the walls were ‘yea thick’ as Davy said. It was mercifully cool inside. Like a fridge in fact. He hoped the beer wasn’t too cold though. He hated cold beer. Room temperature would be fine.
“Hey how you doing big man?!” Davy called from the ockey. He’d obviously been here a while, judging by his loud and gregarious manner. He wasn’t like that when sober. He was playing Tarky, who was no doubt stringing him along. Tarky’d be letting Davy have little wins making Davy think he was Luke Littler. When Keith was cruising, and the pot was big enough, then Tarky’d move in for the kill.
“All right Davy. You whipping him?”
“Yeah, he’s just too good for me tonight” said Tarky the red-headed bin-man. Thankfully Tarky appeared to have had a wash and changed his clothes after work.
“I’ll get them in. Tarks, you on Old Tom?”
“Are you joking? Diet Coke for me. I’m on earlies”. Keith knew this was code for I’ve got to keep a clear head or Keith will get an inkling of what’s in store.
“All right. Davy?”
“Yeah, man. Usual for me.”
“Landlord?”
“Aye”
When Keith was being served he spotted a new clip on the pump.
“What’s this Jeff?”
“Exactly what it says on the tin Keith… “Dark Side of the Moon”
It’s a new porter from Duck Aye Brewery.”
“Go on then, I’ll give it a spin.”
While Davy was still being setup for a fall by Tarky, Keith sent Dawn a text.
“TELL YOUR MUM I’M REALLY PLEASED SHE’S GOT A DATE FOR HER OP”
“I ALREADY TOLD HER” Dawn responded.
“OH THANKS BABE. WISH YOU WERE HERE“
“I DON’T! THAT PLACE REALLY IS THE PITS!”
Davy was crying into his beer after losing £50 to Tarky. Suddenly relative peace was shattered by a crowd of lads bursting into the bar.
“What the …?!” said Jeff.
“It’s Anton Ward’s stag-do.” offered Keith
“Stag-do? Here? What’s wrong with Marbella or Margate even? Here? What have we done to deserve this?”
“Money’s a bit tight. Cost of living etc. We’re saving for the honeymoon” said Anton. At least that’s what they thought he said but after several pints it was a bit hard to tell.
After several more pints each, a turned-over table, several bags of scattered pork scratchings, and a couple of smashed glasses, Jeff had had more than enough. He summarily ejected the stag-do.
“You’re banned! The lot of you! Banned for a month! Bunch of flaming Animals!”
Next day…
“YOU ALL RIGHT KEITH?”
“YEAH FINE. WHY?”
“I HEARD IT WAS A RIOT IN THE WAGGONER’S LAST NIGHT. I THINK WE NEED TO TALK” she sent
“IT’S ALL RIGHT BABE. THE WALLS
OF THE WAGGONERS ARE STILL STANDING!
ANYWAY TALK ABOUT WHAT?” he texted.
“WE JUST NEED TO TALK KEITH”
“I’LL CALL ROUND AFTER WORK THEN”
She started in on Keith, almost before he was across the threshold.
“I heard all about you and your mates last night at the Waggoner’s. Making all that mess for Jeff to clear up. Well it wasn’t him who cleared it up was it? It was Mutt who had to do it while Jeff served.”
“It’s Matt… not Mutt” muttered Keith. “Oh it doesn’t matter”
Mum, husband Eddie and even Grandad were sat at the kitchen table looking a bit embarrassed.
He tried to tell her about Anton’s stag-do visitation, but she wasn’t interested.
“No, don’t interrupt me Keith when I’m in full flow. I’m sorry, but I’ve had enough of you and your factory job. Like Grandad said “That lad’ll never make anything of himself”. At least that’s what I think he said.”
“Me??” said Grandad. “Eh it wasn’t me lad. She’s making it up. Been talking to her mates she has”
“It’s like death by a thousand cuts Keith, and that one last night, well that’s it. That one was The Final Cut!
It can’t go on. I’ve my reputation to think of” Dawn said.
You know the popular GIF of someone endlessly eating popcorn? Well Davy More was just the same with a grab bag of Monster Munch. They were in the Waggoner’s where Keith had gone to seek some commiseration. Davy’s mouth was framed by orange crumbs and paprika or something from the Monster Munch.
“Do you mind Davy, I’m pouring my heart out to you. All you can do is turn yourself into a giant piece of Monster Munch. You look revolting.”
“Sorry mate it’s only Monster Munch” Dave said crestfallen.
“Not exactly A Momentary Lapse of Reason though is it Davy?” asked Keith.
Davy ignored this as he didn’t really understand why Keith was having a go at him. He fixed his face by wiping his arm across his mouth transferring all the detritus to his arm instead.
“So. what’d you say?” leaving his orange mouth gaping.
“Well, what could I say?”
“You could’ve told her she’s talking bloody rubbish for a start-off!”
Keith narrowed his eyes.
“Oh no. Not me. Don’t get mad. Get even. That’s my motto Davy.”
Just then, Jeff rang The Division Bell.
“Last orders, Gentlemen please!!”
It was going to be another beautiful roasting hot day. But Keith wouldn’t be wearing his hazmat suit today. He had another one on. A nice blue one, he usually reserved for weddings, bar mitzvahs and funerals. He was going to wear it for his first day as a junior manager on the Piping Section at Smart Plumbing Ltd.
“Never make anything of himself!” Keith harrumphed.
He smiled. Dawn could stick that in her pipe and smoke it.
As so often at times like this, Keith had a philosophical thought. It’s like the road, or The Endless River
It goes ever on, and no one knows why. Nor what’s around the corner… Maybe some other fish to fry, or if Dawn wanted to come crawling back, well… maybe he’d think about it.
© Adrian Wilson 19 June 2025
with grateful thanks to the providers of the above free to share and use images of Pink Floyd album covers, shown in order of release, just as they inspired the storyline
adewils.com 
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